On Monday morning on the way to my weekly bible study with my girlfriends, I felt it. It felt like my lovely "Aunt Flo" was about to come for a visit. I knew something was up and sure enough... the miscarriage had officially started. Without giving too many details, it wasn't pleasant. Thank the Lord I wasn't further along in the pregnancy than I was. I have heard it can get much worse. I really was very strong this week through the physical part of it. I honestly don't think I can cry anymore about losing this baby. I am now numb. In a good way though. I have gone through the stages of grief. And of course as luck would have it... I received two baby shower invitations in the mail this week. Lovely.
I did have great news at my two week dr. follow up today. My HCG levels as of Tuesday were at a 36. He is confident I should not have to have a D and C and I should be down to zero in a few weeks. So I get to visit my friends at Lab Corp for two more weeks and hopefully this will be over by the middle of April. Which means I can now have a few adult bevy's on my Dirty 30 :) I also got my RhoGam shot, which by the way SUCKS! It was a big sucker! Got to love having a negative blood type :)
Speaking of Lab Corp I must tell you a story from Tuesday. I have been to the same location 3 times in a little over a month. Needless to say, they are starting to recognize me. This week the very sweet lady who draws the blood started asking me questions about how I was doing. Those who know me know I'm honest and will pretty much tell you what is going on with me if you ask. I can't lie to save my life, so I have just learned to tell the truth. I told the sweet lady, "Well, you may keep seeing me until my HCG numbers get to 0. I'm having a miscarriage." She lost it. Absolutely lost it. Ugly cry and all. Turns out she had lost a daughter and last week was the anniversary of her death. She died at 10 of cerebral palsy. She would've been 29 this year. My age. I felt like total crap for saying anything. I was being honest though. I'm thinking of bringing her a few Gerber daises when I see her next week. We were two complete strangers that were sharing very heart felt stories to each other. She touched my heart. <3
Sometimes it just seems like such a faux pas to talk about....miscarriage. Even the word sucks. Why? People should realize that 1 in 4 pregnancy's end in miscarriage. It is fairly common, just not talked about. I am not ashamed of our miscarriage. In fact, I know that God has a plan for Chris and I's family. This has made our marriage stronger and I am once again assured that we can and will make it though anything life has to throw our way. I am confident in saying that I have married the most amazing man in the universe. I feel excitement once again deep down in my belly about our future. When Chris and I do finally become parents, we are gonna rock!
This has just been another notch in a belt called my life. :)
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11