Renegade (noun)
: an individual who rejects lawful or conventional behavior
I have been on a bit of a blog hiatus and feel there is so much I still have to write about! I just had my 30th Birthday, we just went on a fabulous vacation, our business is exploding with growth..... Yet, I feel that I need to document a new step in our TTC (trying to conceive) journey tonight.
As many of you may or may not know we have been trying to start our family for around 2 1/2 years now. It has had many ups and downs and has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to experience. After our miscarriage in March I have had a variety of feelings about our journey. Many of them being sadness and depression. We have had almost three years of waiting (like everybody says to do) because "It will happen when its your time", "When you stop trying", etc etc etc. Frankly, I'm sick of waiting! And honestly sick of other people trying to tell me how to feel.
Now don't get me wrong. I try my hardest to live my life everyday with God's will for me, but I think there becomes a breaking point. Friday was that day for me. Waking up to my second cycle since losing the baby was my breaking point. Minutes later I decided that I needed to get on Clomid (a fertility aid), as soon as possible. I called my doctor that morning on the way home from my morning jog to make an appointment.
Luckily, I was able to get in this morning. My adorable OBGYN walked in the office and asked how I was doing. I told him that we were actually doing really great! I then told him that I wanted to get on Clomid.....now! He looked pretty hesitant for a minute and wanted me to remind him again of our infertility journey. A little over a year ago we did visit a fertility clinic for the first time and started the first round of tests on both of us and they found nothing wrong. He told me that getting on Clomid before I did all of the tests was like putting the cart before the horse, but if I felt it was what I wanted to do he would prescribe it to me. He then called me a renegade! I had to really laugh at this.
When I really think about it, I am a "renegade" in many areas of my life. The one that stands out is what I do for a living. I own a Network Marketing business which is VERY unconventional for most people, but I have made it work and have been self employed for almost three years now! I am so Blessed to be able to train and mentor people to make massive changes in their lives. Now why would I not do whatever I can to get to my goal of being a mother?
Time will tell if this step in our life will bring us the joy of finally becoming parents. I do know that I am very excited! It is something to keep me motivated and optimistic along this journey that has more downs than ups. There is no guarantee of course, but I have a good feeling about this new renegade move ;)