On the eve of my egg retrieval surgery I feel the impulse to write this blog, so everyone who knows and loves me is aware I am not ashamed or keeping quiet about our infertility.
Infertility: an inability to get or stay pregnant after a year of trying if you're under 35, or six months if you're older.
A few months ago in Redbook Magazine I read an article called, "The Truth about Trying". It is a no-shame campaign for women (and men) who are unable to have children on their own. Did you know that 7.3 million people suffer with infertility? That is 1 in 8 women that will struggle with having a family. Woah. That means that someone close to you is struggling and you may not even know it!
Something that I have come to notice through this three year journey is that people don't openly talk about infertility. This is horrible because it is such a sad and lonely time for any person to go through. The feeling of wanting to be a parent so bad that it hurts is something that I wouldn't want anyone to experience. People really don't want to hear about you not being able to get pregnant or know how to react to hearing it. I can't tell you how many people are shell shocked when they ask, "When are you both going to start your family?" and I tell them we have been trying for three years! They usually regret asking the question. Or people like to give you advice on TTC (trying to conceive), "Stop trying and it will happen, just relax, if it's meant to be you will have a child.... yada yada."
FACT: DO NOT give people advice about starting a family unless you have been through infertility and also please NEVER say, "Why don't you just adopt. You know that they say you will get pregnant after you adopt?" Adoption is NOT a cure for infertility!
SUMMING IT UP: Try not to ask anyone when they are going to start their family, it is a very personal question. If they want to tell you, they will. Stick to "How is the weather?" :)
I have found by documenting our journey on this blog that it helps get my feelings out in the open and I have hopes that I may help someone going through the same journey find a friend to be able to relate to. I met one of my most cherished friends on a Trying to Conceive Forum two years ago. I have no idea how I would have gone through these past few years without her support. Women need to reach out and talk about their feelings about this serious disease (yes, it's a disease.) I sometimes refer to infertility as a "club" and unless you are in it... you will
never completely understand what it feels like not to be able to have a child.
My hopes are that people start talking about infertility more and become less ashamed. Let's get this infertility monster out of the closet! You never know who you will touch just by telling your story. Someone who has kept the secret of not being able to have a baby may feel joy by learning that you know what the pain feels like and they can connect with you at a heart level.
"It's crazy to me that this topic is still taboo," says participant Rosie Pope, 31, who talks about her battle to become a second-time mom — and her shock at all the denial out there — in her video. The star of Bravo's Pregnant in Heels says, "A lot of people who have gone through IVF and managed to have kids shove it under the rug and pretend it never happened. In Hollywood, you can talk about your drug addiction or divorce, but not infertility. It's a real disservice to women."
Read more: Dealing With Infertility - Trying to Get Pregnant - Redbook
After 3 long weeks of shots, blood draws and ultra sounds.. tomorrow is my surgery to remove my eggs! I am nervous and scared, but am excited that our IVF journey is coming to a close. I am so proud of the woman that I have become in trying to become a mother, our marriage has become rock solid and we have and are overcoming the biggest trial we have had to face so far as husband and wife. As we come up on our four year anniversary Thursday, I know that there is nothing we can't overcome together :)
Now with a positive attitude and many prayers, we will hope for a safe transfer sometime in the next few days and a healthy pregnancy to follow ;)
If you or someone you know is struggling with Infertility please send them the article above or watch the videos from the link below. Love on them, support them, and listen to them because all someone needs who is infertile... is a friend.
http://www.redbookmag.com/infertility-video-series/#v1223386553001
Blessings,
Tk