Sometimes I slow down enough to really soak up where I am at this point in my life and get totally and utterly overwhelmed. I know this is a normal occurrence of any woman this day and age, but I got to a point today where I just wanted to run... far away, from it all.
Mom is not doing any better and it seems the medication is doing absolutely no good. I am still getting the 6x/day phone calls regarding the same thing. And now calls almost daily of her crying over something that is not an issue. It is so heart wrenching to see your mother so powerless and not in control of her mind. Now my husband and I are going to really have to talk about what the future looks like for us. Does it involve my mom living with us in another house where we have a MIL suite? Or do we start to research facilities that can care for her? Seriously... when did I become a grown up and how do I go backwards? Her follow up doctor appointment is tomorrow and I am praying he can help us because I know we both need it. I am also going to push for the PET scan of her brain. The intensity of her memory loss so quickly is really making me wonder.
We did get great adoption news on Friday as we were assigned our Family Coordinator. She will be by our side the entire adoption process and now the "paper chase" of the adoption officially begins. Sadly, I am now totally overwhelmed by it all.
Friday when I got the welcome email from the FC with all of the attachments on information of the documents needed, money totals, etc I started crying. I wish I had the words to even explain how intense this process is about to be. Then today, we were contacted by the state in which we do our home study process (totally different thing) with and we have a lot of the same paperwork to do for them, the in home visits and quite a bit of money to them as well. Lord help me.
Then I found the "unofficial" waiting list with our agency and even if we got our home study and dossier done and mailed in tomorrow with $10,000 (not possible) we would be 77th in line. Sadness. I have read quite a few blogs in the past few weeks of families going through this process, but until you are in the middle of everything, you have no idea how it actually feels. All of this, just to be parents of some sweet orphan boy in Africa. Today I even asked Chris if he really wanted to go through with this, because I am just so overwhelmed.
I will be asking the Lord for direction and strength this week. I know He has us on this path for a reason, but it is going to be one very hard journey.
"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." Isaiah 40:28,29 NIV
Also, I ask all of my friends/family that keep up with my musings on here to stay tuned on a fundraiser we will hopefully be launching in the next week or so. Our plan is to get the paperwork and large amount of money in as soon as we can, so we can get on that very long list to wait, as soon as possible. He will provide.